Identify Where These Tendencies And Feelings Stem From
If you’re a people pleaser, it’s probably because you were conditioned to be one from a young age. Examining your past and discovering where these tendencies and feelings come from can be very helpful in breaking the habit. Because we can only see the world through our own perspective, it’s easy to confuse what is objective reality with our perception of events.
For example, this is essentially the basis of the well documented phenomenon of culture shock. You come to the realization that many of your assumptions, habits, and boundaries are not universal givens, but the product of the culture you were raised in. And this is quite jarring.
The point is, when you realize when and how you inherited or picked up certain tendencies it gives you the power to make an objective analysis.
You can see that, “Oh, things don’t have to be this way. These feelings are just a result of my experiences. Just because I feel like I’m letting everyone down doesn’t mean I actually am in reality.” It pulls back the curtain a bit on your tendencies and demystifies the emotions behind them. This gives you a more objective lens to tackle your people pleasing habit.
Remember it’s not selfish to take care of yourself first.
You’re in a better place to do genuinely nice things for people when you aren’t taken for granted, when you have the energy to do nice things because you want to, not because you feel like you have to in order to earn approval.
Not only does this make your actions more sincere, but it means you’ll feel better about it. You won’t harbor any resentment.