The inability to accept constructive feedback positively is one of the biggest weaknesses you can have in most areas of life and it’s vital that you turn it into a strength. It’s hard to do -who likes being criticized, after all? But it’s an important skill to learn.
Here is the process to follow when you’re presented with constructive feedback.
1. Don’t respond right away
Immediately reacting is the worst possible route to take! That’s because you are reacting from emotion and not logic or reasoning. You need to take time to understand the feedback and see how accurate it is before you respond. Responding immediately is a sure way to make things worse, especially in the workplace!
2. Remember it’s not personal
Constructive feedback isn’t a personal attack on you. It’s about helping you improve how you do something, either at work or in your personal life, and isn’t meant to make you feel bad or less. (If someone is personally attacking you, that’s different, and you have a right to be upset. But it’s not the same thing!)
3. Ask any questions you need to understand the feedback.
Do you understand what the person is saying? Why they’re giving you the feedback? What are they talking about, and how do you think you can improve? If not, ask questions until you do.
4. Thank the person for the feedback.
This is the hardest part of the process. If it’s difficult to be criticized, it’s excruciating to thank someone for doing so! This is a critical part of the process, however. Remember that the person offering you constructive feedback isn’t attacking you -he or she is trying to help you. They should be thanked for making the effort.
5. Think about what was said.
Once you’ve received the feedback, take some time to calm down so that you can think about it rationally instead of emotionally. Then examine it objectively. Is the feedback correct? Are you doing something incorrectly? Is there a way for you to improve?
If you decide they were right, and it’s someone or something important to you, then you implement the requested changes. If you’re unsure, find a third party to ask for advice. If you decide they were wrong and there are no consequences for doing so (it didn’t come from your boss, for example), then you can ignore the constructive feedback with a clean conscience.