Do you say yes to things and then immediately think, “Why did I do that?!!!!”
Do you say yes to projects when you’re already running on empty so you know you can’t do your best? Are you overworked, overstressed, and anxious because you constantly agree to things you don’t actually agree with? Do you commit to things, then flake at the last minute because you never really wanted to go in the first place?
Well, you’re not alone.
You probably are afraid of disappointing people. You probably worry constantly about what people are thinking of you. No matter how hard you work, or how well you do, you probably worry that it’s not enough. You probably feel responsible for how other people feel. If someone is in a bad mood, you probably wonder if it’s something you said.
So you over commit yourself to things. You take on so much, you end up taking care of everyone else and not taking care of yourself.
This leaves you emotionally exhausted and anxious.
The thing is, every time you say “yes” when you mean “no” you’re letting people disrespect your boundaries. These people mostly mean no harm. How are they to know you aren’t willing to do something if you don’t communicate it to them?
When this happens though, when you have poor boundaries because you haven’t put in the work to set them, you feel “resentment, anger, and burnout”1. Because you end up doing things you’re actually unwilling to do.
Or others end up doing things that make you uncomfortable. They keep doing these things because they’ve never had any reason to believe it’s not ok. They usually don’t realize they’re overstepping a boundary. Either way, it’s up to you to change this.